Days 3 and 4 of the Cleanse

Yesterday and today followed very similar lines. I got up early (5:30), heated my herbal tea, meditated, and did the Day 3 yoga routine and left Day 4 for tonight. Except...I went to a 9:30 yoga class and used my elliptical for 1/2 hour tonight and don't feel like doing anything else. It's 9:44 p.m. and my bed awaits. I walked to/from yoga class today so I did get out, but this afternoon's well intentioned walk was thrown off-track by a wild afternoon thunderstorm. That, in and of itself, was beautiful and I was grateful for the change in temperature, even going outside to watch the thunderheads roll in and the low flying clouds swirl together tempestuously above my head. Nature at it's best!

I had to work yesterday and today, so peeling myself away from the computer here and there was the best way to find a good compromise. I put a few calls off to next week, and only kept those that were critical. Even if I am slow tracking on work and domestics, my body and mind are fast tracking toward wellness. Someone asked me the other day if I found "stuff coming up" as I was going through this process. Remarkably, I told her "Yes, all kinds of things...from decades ago. I'm journaling like a mad woman!" And she responded "I know, it's really crazy how much stuff gets trapped inside your body." She is right. While I've always believed our life experiences stay with us on a cellular level, I didn't realize the difficult ones could be exorcised through cleansing. So, this will be a seasonal dedication for me.

One of the strangest but coolest physical experiences thus far is waking up at 1:30 this morning with a temporary case of TMJ or "LockJaw". It was the only time I considered taking anything outside of the prescribed diet, so I went for the Tylenol because getting back to sleep became an issue. I just couldn't get comfortable and it really hurt. When I got up at 5:30 a.m. I went right to my Louise Hay book "You Can Heal Your Life" to seek reference. And sure enough, there it was in black and white, "Harboring angry thoughts/feelings. A desire to control. Inability to express feelings"...who? me? Inability to express feelings? Surely, you jest! But when I peeled a few more layers off the onion I realized it was deadly accurate. I do have a difficult time expressing the deepest feelings I have when I'm in conflict with someone. It's almost as though I feel its more important, more polite, to keep those ones to myself. So they get shoved underneath the less hurtful feelings...and those have no problem getting voiced. I don't want to hurt or alienate, and I'm not always as choosy with my words as I should be. I am direct and to the point...figuring it saves everybody time, and no one is wondering what's beneath those gauzy layers of well chosen words and sentences. I don't like it when I feel like someone is hedging when they speak to me. Though perhaps some people feel more of a responsibility for how they communicate and want to leave little room for misunderstanding, I expect people to ask questions instead of assuming they got the message. If they don't, then I figure we're square. In hindsight, perhaps I'm too busy telling it like it is, and not coming to the table with the vulnerability and openness one truly needs to in order to have open communication. I need to work on that.

This phenomenon also explains those recurring dreams I have had about wearing braces on my teeth that come loose, pull away, cutting up the insides of my mouth and taking my teeth with them. Those dreams are awful, and I'm always disturbed by them for days. So I'm paying alot of attention to my inner world, my emotions and expression thereof, and hope to have more epiphany's this week.

As to the diet, I'm starting to crave a little variety but don't want to blow it completely. I'm going for a hike tomorrow and decided to innovate tonight on what to bring for lunch. I've decided to have the Kitchari in the morning for breakfast, and use my prepared rice and mung beans (cooked separately), add some shredded coconut and enough honey to bind the ingredients. I'm going to press this into a pan, bake it, and cut it up into bars. I'll also take a fresh apple with me, and lots of water. I hope this recipe works, because they don't have microwaves at the top of the mountain!